Comfort vs Giving Up

When are you at a point in life where all is good, and no need to strive for more? Stay on course and keep your head down - you are good. Does this exist? If so, how do you know if you are on the right path, or you have rather just given up on wanting more?

 

So many people run through life without thinking of the 'what if' or even worse, not following it. I am not talking about what if I had a million dollars. I mean what if I approached that girl. Or what if I applied for that illustrious job. Or what if I followed my passion and risked having less money? 

What I am Learning From Mom

 I'm upset right now. As in a culmination of things. But I already digress.

I can't stand the way that she doesn't want more out of life. Or the way she simply does not think or expect more of herself. One day is literally like the next, but maybe with a different stressing concern [that can be taken care of with direct action, but is constantly procrastinated and worried about even more].

Why does it upset me so much? Because part of it is inside me. Alcohol plays a big role in it for me. For my mom she is the same whether drinking or not I feel (outside of when she is wasted). 

And this is what I am realizing more and more. What bothers me so much about her is wanting the best for her and seeing her throw away her time and brain by not using it and enjoying it. Even when she is watching TV she isn't capturing what is going on. I've stopped asking questions on what she just watched etc. 

She's a loving person who I love. She loves her dog and me. But she is a sack of potatoes sitting here doing nothing. 

More to the point, this is OK bc evidently that is what she wants to do. And I am working to accept this. Working in my language towards her. No more of, "Mom we just talked about this 5 minutes ago." **Please understand if she were like my dad and had short term memory problems, I would never say this. But for her it is her lazy mind. But after doing this repeatedly in the hopes that she might use her mind more, and it causing a scene, I am no longer going to do it. I am not going to expect that she remembers anything. She didn't even remember holding my renewed drivers license in her hand yesterday (after it arrived in the mail). She thinks it is still not here (as of this morning when she questioned me on when it will arrive).

I am writing this for myself. I am not complaining. I am realizing where I will NEVER be in life. And I will fight hard not to be there. Fuck that shit - and this is for ME, not my mom. I guess she likes this life and that is her choice. I'm happy that she's staying in her non-happy stressed spot in life that she is comfortable with.

I will not stress on it any longer - it has done me well in the sense it scares the shit out of me. Done. OK, so I move on with goals and objectives and wanting to learn more. I move on with no expectations from my mom in terms of wanting anything new or gaining a community or working out or not stressing as much or having critical thoughts. 

So thank you Mom for showing me what I don't want. And this is not a knock against you at all. I get you 100% now. And I will play my cards accordingly. I will not stress over you any longer to be better and enjoy more. I am focused on my happiness and progress, along with Ela's. I wish you the best but I am not expecting anything at all. And I have put in my time. Now it is my time.  

What I Love About Mom

 Right now not much. But that is because I have been living with her for over a month and it is annoying as shit. But I will be adding to this list.

What I Hate About Mom

 Strong language, I know. And I don't ever say I hate things. But this is me venting, analyzing, and coming to grips with things at the same time. But in no way do I hate her. I love her with all of my heart. Let me explain...

My mom's husband passed away about 2.5 years ago. She has no one else in her life besides me as family (son). So I came back to her home immediately to be with her. Well that was a long time ago and I am still intermittently living with her. Brief background, more details to it, but not needed to know. We have spent a LOT of time together in the past two years...

1) she has a continual victim mentality

2) No drive to find answers. Even for things she dearly cares about (like her dog), she doesn't research how to help it out when sick or in trouble. She complains and then after that for awhile, if bad enough, calls the vet. Instead of looking it up online what other people have gone through. **And she knows how to do this

3) Not stretching her boundaries

4) Telling herself that she is stupid

5) Making up her mind that she doesn't understand something before trying. Whether listening to a conversation or trying to figure out how to work the dishwasher. 

 To be continued

6) Not flexing her mind - as in she doesn't involve herself in any critical thinking. Even as simple as watching Family Feud. Does she guess the answers? Nope, never. She is not interested in having new thoughts outside of worrying about something over and over while procrastinating on getting it done. 

    *oh wait I already mentioned this

7) She's given up on a meaningful life. "I don't want any new friends" being an example of this. Zoning out and watching TV the entire day. Stuff about actors' real lives and rumors etc. Complete trash of information that is doing nothing for her as a person. At least she is not watching teh news as much though.  

 

**This is in no way saying that I don't love my mom with all of my heart. Otherwise I would be in Mexico, have my Paraguayan residency, etc. But this twist in life changed my course. While I am on this new route, I will be noting things. To understand myself, to not go absolutely insane (as I watch Mark and Kelly Morning Show), etc.  

Setting Expectations - Period. Full Stop. OK I Will Stop

 As soon as I started to set them in other people, I felt a weight lifted. Depending on who I was speaking with, meeting, playing tennis with, etc. It is a part of all parts of life. Obviously setting expectations for yourself is the biggest segment of this, but an entirely different context for this note's purposes.

Simple expectation: I'm meeting Joe at 10am for coffee. I know that he is consistently late, so I show up on time or not. Either way, I am not stressed about it, nor annoyed. It is Joe. I have placed him in this expectation and all good. 

One of the hardest ones for me was to realize as I was speaking to a loved one about something important [to me, but could be about helping them or any myriad of other thoughts]. "Hell, they aren't listening to me at all." 

America the Divided

Charlie Kirk was assassinated yesterday. He wasn't a president or even a politician. He was a strong voice but just as strong of an ear for his audience. Mostly young adults hungry for knowledge.

The scary part of it: some liberals were actually happy that this happened. WTF. And even a friend of mine posted "Hey he wanted right to bear arms Second Amendment." WTF is wrong with people?

At some point this divisiveness will explode but this time on the rational political side. And that's when it gets real.

Life Lesson 2

The more you feed into someone's bad habit, the more it is ingrained. When someone constantly replies to you "what?" or "really did that happen" and you answer that it cements in the horribleness of its existence.

 

STOP saying "I already told you this." It doesn't help anyone. Note it and move on - or don't move on. And don't demean the person. They clearly don't remember it - whether intelligence, focus, mental decline, etc. 

I Love Trump

Just kidding, I don't love him. I don't know him. But what I think isn't the point of this. My country is probably the most divided I have ever seen in my lifetime - 80s on. Don't get me wrong, I love the business approach to running the government and being a strong leader. This strength is something that we have sorely missed in the last presidency. 

 I believe America will be fine. We have too many checks and balances to do that much. However what does alarm me is the part of the population that would rather see Trump fail, than America win. WTF? So because the current administration isn't on your side of the political fence you hope that their policies and actions are a failure (at the expense of America's safety and success)?

I understand some policies that people are simply against regarding taxes and what not. But anything having to do with making America a safer nation with tighter borders and less illegal criminals in our country should obviously be bipartisan. Or wanting a socialistic/communistic Mayor voted in (having a big part of the votes at present) just doesn't make sense beyond the "Anything but Trump" line of thinking.

Since the Pandemic back in '20, I have been dumbfounded by how dumb a lot of people are. They are sheep being led by a collie dog or whatever. Think this. Say this. Move this way. Etc. It is really an amazing case study - but this study has been done before. I previously thought that Americans were a bit different though because we were more aware. But that statement I just made is a bit dense as well. Wait, am I one of these sheep but on the other side? Nah, legacy media and a lot of politicians are jaded for their desires. 

I look forward to America being cleaned up, being safer, getting some illegally spent money back (from politicians), becoming more self efficient, and being the strong nation that we have mostly been. Because right now, we are as weak as I have ever seen it in my 29 years. Kidding, another bad joke.  

If I Had A Million Dollars I Would Do These 3 Things....

First off this question doesn't mean what it used to 10 years or more ago. But irregardless (*JUST kidding I would never say or write this non-word):

 

1) Real Estate - Investment - 500K

I'd use 500k to hedge as much as possible in this sector. I am comfortable with hold and buy that have decent cash flow. Target one area first, such as Greensboro, SC and buy a few properties. Multifamily and condos. If I had more money I would repeat this in a couple of markets as this is diversification. Cleveland, Cincinatti, San Antonio.

2)  Real Estate - Beach Home - 200K

One in The Philippines for around this? 

3) Real Estate - Vietnam Condo - 150K

I love Da Nang and for now want it part of my life. But being there with Ela for a month soon will solidify this.

4) Private Investing or Stocks - 150K

If I have a solid private investment opportunity then great. If not then put into a few ETFs (Gold one included)

 

  

Life Lessons

Vinegar and baking soda should always be in your house

I lost a tennis match to a 65 yr old. It's ok he's had many more years' practice

Some Days are Good, Some are Not so Good

 Blahhh. I woke up today with that feeling. But not the normal tired. It's more of the "I am seriously not thinking well about things that I normally can". Is this what it means to be 49? Ha

But hey, we've all got our ups and downs. No need to fight it, but rather be aware of it. It reminds me of learning Spanish while traveling through South America for a year plus. Some days I would speak very well (OK OK maybe with a very thick Gringo accent for all I know), but other days I couldn't even ask where the bathroom was. 

For a long time I would get frustrated and battle it - be it with more focus or dissecting why etc. I'm not sure when it happened, but on one of those bad days I realized it was easier to simply accept it. "This isn't a Spanish day for me." And after that realization I swear my learning curve even went up (from probably not that steep of one, but not the point).

 

OK gotta go for the day... 

Doctrines of 49

I just turned 49. I feel 30 in ways. In others I don't. At the same time I don't have kids (that I know of). So for this year of my life, I will focus on some truths I have found...or not personally found but have read about them and they make sense to me. This year is the year to actually do them, if not done already. 

 Hear me giving myself the pump up speech?

Focusing on my ideal outcomes and vision

    Believe in Your Vision 

Staying Grateful and Grounded 

Be True to Good Habits

    Takes 60 days to make a habit stick I hear? 

Fight the Fear

Answer the Call

Enjoy the Moment, but Sacrifice the Now too

Learn From Past - No Regretting

Help 

Give - not talking money necessarily

And This Starts Today....

 

 

I'm not writing this now to be seen. This is 100% for me. So here we go.

It's been 10 plus years since I have written travel stuff. I loved it. And writing has always been a way to find answers, understand myself a bit, the world around me. It's like you are talking with a friend and don't fully realize something in your head until you see it written out. Ouch...my head just got a bit dizzy - man, it has been a long time since I just wrote on my laptop. 

 But OK then let the free flow go. I am here now. Just turned 49 and feel like I am 32. Notice please that I didn't say anything in the twenties. OK OK I should up it a bit. How about 36? Yeah sounds better. Good to write again. 

Where am I? I am in a few places. Usually Arizona, The Philippines, or Southern California with stints in Florida and Mexico. Simple right? I am figuring out today, for today. I am not in the past because that is regret. Or the future because that is dream. But hold up, past isn't always regret at all...I just read that somewhere so I spit it out. There you go.

Society has changed so much since 2020. COVID Pandemic whatever you want to call it and how everything is online now has increasingly changed daily life and in particular relationships and communication. But more on this later....

 Time for US OPEN and Djokovi, Alcaraz, FAA, and my favorite: SINNER! 

Random Thought of the Day: No matter how much money I have had in my life, or how poor I have been, I always have loved eating leftovers from the fridge. Do I love the taste of it or the fact that I am finishing something? Sidenote: Maybe Random Question of the Day is better :)